Negative thoughts produce negative feelings part 2: Mind Reading

Negative thinking is one of the most common psychological traps people fall into, and one damaging form of it is mind-reading. This isn't about psychic powers or reading thoughts literally; it's about a person assuming they know what others are thinking, often in a negative light. It usually leads to anxiety, miscommunication, and self-sabotage, all without a shred of real evidence.

What Is Mind Reading?

Mind reading is a term used in CBT to describe the tendency to believe you know what others are thinking—especially about you—without them saying anything. For example:

• "He didn’t say hi this morning, that means he must be mad at me."

• "They’re laughing, I bet they’re making fun of me."

• "My date didn’t respond to my message right away. He doesn't like me."

Although these thoughts may feel real, they are all based on assumptions, not facts. And more often than not, they're wrong.

Mind reading typically comes from insecurity, fear of rejection, or low self-esteem. It’s a form of projection, where we take our own fears and project them onto others, assuming they think the worst about us, just as we might fear the worst about ourselves.

If left untreated, this kind of negative thinking can damage relationships, increase anxiety, and cause loneliness.

Breaking the Mind-Reading Cycle

Overcoming mind reading begins with awareness. Here are practical steps to challenge and stop mind reading:

1. Catch the Thought Notice when you're assuming what someone else is thinking. Acknowledge it: “I’m mind-reading again”

2. Ask for Evidence Ask yourself: “What evidence do I actually have for this thought?” If the answer is none, it’s likely to be false.

3. Consider Alternatives Try to come up with at least two other reasons someone might behave the way they did. EG: "Maybe he’s just having a busy day,” or "Maybe he is at work,” 

4. Communicate Directly If you’re unsure about someone’s thoughts or feelings and it’s affecting you, the healthiest option is often to ask directly but respectfully. Direct communication can clarify any misunderstandings and build trust.

5. Practice Self-Compassion Remind yourself that you are not defined by others’ opinions, even if they are negative.

Mind reading can be a sneaky, destructive form of negative thinking. It can convince us that we’re social outcasts or failures, all without anyone actually saying so. But with practice, we can unlearn this pattern, learn to choose curiosity over assumption.

If you would like my help with negative thinking and help with your anxiety, please call 07525851033 or email oakleyhypnotherapy@hotmail.co.uk.