Do You Fear Rejection?
“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”
―Sylvester Stallone,Rocky Balboa
Do you have a fear of rejection? Do you want to go for a promotion at work and are fearful you'll get turned down? Do you want to ask the girl of your dreams on a date but fear she will say no? Do you want to start your own business but are afraid no one will buy from you?
Fear of rejection stems back to our tribal days. When we use to live in tribes to help our survival. Back then in the tribal days if you were rejected from the tribe you would be cast out into the wilderness and unless you found another tribe you would more than likely die in the wilderness. Well thank goodness those days are long gone, we can live on our own and survive easily.
The fear of rejection is a powerful fear that can have an impact on our lives. Most people experience some nerves when placing themselves in unfamiliar situations and ones that could lead to rejection, but for some people, the fear becomes unbearable. This fear can have many underlying causes. An untreated fear of rejection may worsen over time, leading to greater and greater limitations in life.
Whether it is meeting new people, asking a girl out on a date,going on a date, going for a job interview or a business dealing. These are situations that we must face in life and a fear of rejection can hold you back.
A fear of rejection can hold you back from going for what you want in life, but as well a fear of rejection can lead to you acting like a different person altogether, it can lead to phoniness, unassertive behaviour or becoming a people pleaser.
For example on a date you might agree that you like something when you actually hate it but just said it to please the other person, or you might put up with last minute cancellations just because you don't want to upset the other person. In a job interview you might accept a lower wage than you would of normally liked because you were to nervous to ask or you may of just not spoken highly about yourself when asked a question.
People are afraid to be our authentic self in these situations because they feel they aren't good enough. So they pretend to be someone else in these situations without really realising it, they become a neutral people pleaser. What is a neutral people pleaser? Well do you like vanilla ice cream? or white coloured walls? Yes?.... Well actually you just don't hate them. They are neutral, they are bland and they are boring.
They are just... alright
And nobody gets excited about alright.
The truth is rejection is a part of life and there is no avoiding it, but like Rocky Balboa said in that quote life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, life will knock you down. But it ain't about how many times you get knocked down, its about getting up and keep moving forward.
So every time you get knocked down, get back up stronger. If you get rejected for a date? Move on to the next one If you get rejected for a job? Move on to the next one.
Customer doesn't buy from you? Move on to the next one. There maybe learning experiences along the way so learn from them and move on. You may need to brush up on your sales skills.. then learn some sales skills You may need to learn some interview techniques... learn them You may need to learn some dating tips and techniques...learn them
But don't get stuck in the learn phase, learn as you go and keep putting yourself out there. Persistence pays and you can get anything you want with enough persistence.
If you find that fear of rejection is limiting your life, it is time to seek out help from me. This can help you explore and better understand some of the underlying contributions to your fear and find more effective ways to cope and get over this fear to give you more confidence within yourself.